It's Official!

Just over two months since I learned of my new position, I’ve made my final trip from Texas.  Granted, I still own property there, but with no immediate plans to return, Puerto Rico is now home.

So I'm waiting for The Feeling to set in.  Some of you may be familiar with it, but for those who aren't, allow me some background.

When I was 22, I packed bags and headed to Australia, no return date in mind.  Oh, the first two weeks were great; reunited with my boyfriend, we explored Sydney, and then traveled to his college town where I finally got to meet and party with all his friends.  But the time came for me to board a train and head to Rockhampton, where I would be doing an internship at the university there.  The thinking was sound; if I was going to marry this guy (definitely the plan at the time,) I'd better be damn sure I like the country, with or without him around.

The next two weeks were a disaster.  The Feeling of utter isolation set in.  I was a 12 hour drive from my boyfriend, and a 14 hour flight from everyone and everything I'd ever known.  Every morning, I woke up in tears.  I cried through the shower, and tried to get it together by the time I got to the office.  Occasionally I wasn't successful, and had to close my office door to pull myself together.  I was living in a dorm, and there were plenty of other Americans around, but they'd been there for months and already formed their cliques. 

Finally, I went to see the university counselor.  She had me take a quiz with about 100 different life events listed on it.  Each event had a certain number of points associated with it.  I scored off the charts.  Once she told me it was perfectly normal to feel the way I did with all the changes I'd been through, the tears dried up and for the most part the next eight months went off without a hitch.

I had a small twinge of The Feeling as I stood on the porch of my apartment in College Station and waved my family good-bye after our Clark Griswald style road trip to move me to Texas A&M.  But the next day I met the rest of my fellow classmates, and then ensued the best two years of my life.

My next experience with The Feeling happened after graduation from Texas A&M.  Again I packed my bags, headed for Europe this time.  While others were planning to join me on and off throughout my six week stay, the first part I was flying solo.  I landed in Paris, found the hotel, walked around a bit for some dinner, and headed in for the night.

I was suffering from the kind of jetlag that only traveling west to east can evoke.  You can make yourself stay up if you're tired, but you can't make yourself go to sleep if you're not.  I lay there for hours and again the tears set in like they hadn't since Australia six years earlier.  The Feeling was back.  Finally around four in the morning, I gave myself a stern talking to.  I told myself if I didn't want to be there I could get on a plane and go back to Texas in the morning.  Well, that sobered me up – I'd always wanted to backpack Europe – and once again the tears were gone and I was fine the rest of the trip.

So I'm waiting for The Feeling now.  This is it.  This is a permanent arrangement.  Well, at least a three year arrangement, not a few weeks or months.  Backing out would mean giving up a 10 year career, and I'm certainly not about to do that; if The Feeling comes, I'll just have to deal with it. 

I am the first of three people relocating from the States to Puerto Rico with my company this summer.  So there's some hope with two other 'newbies' I'll have some insta-friends to hang out with.  My calendar is also filling up quickly, either with trips back to the States or with friends planning to visit.  Perhaps something to look forward to each month will keep The Feeling away.

It's also entirely possible that technology has rendered The Feeling irrelevant.  When I was in Australia, it was nearly two bucks a minute to call home.  It was 1995 and email was just coming onto the scene.  But now, between cell phones, text messages, email and Facebook, it's much easier (and cheaper) to "reach out and touch someone" if you're feeling a bit lonely.

Or perhaps it won't be until I'm sitting in my condo, surrounded by my things, that reality sets in and The Feeling takes over.  Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

In other news, I have tomorrow off for Puerto Rico Constitution Day.  Yes, all my usual holidays and some other randoms.  Hopefully the weather will be nice and I can finally get in some quality beach time!